Say What You Mean! Hear What You Say!

SAY WHAT YOU MEAN! HEAR WHAT YOU SAY! – BY ARNIE WOHLGEMUT

All generations have developed a habit of political correctness and meaningless criticism or praise. How many times have we said to our children “nice job” and as soon as they are out of the room we correct their work or task. How helpful was that?

Recently, I had lunch with a high school teacher friend and he shared the realization that his generalized praise for a students work may not be what they need. Hearing from a teacher, coach or mentor, “ job well done”, has a tendency to have us rest on our perceived success.

Reflecting on my own experience, I believe these 2 insights can be valuable in providing feedback and advice. Both involve you being intentional – intentionally listening and intentionally providing meaningful feedback:

1. Hear what is being said. When feedback or advice is given that is both general and kind, ask for more details. I had a past colleague attending my presentation say to me: “good to see you.” That simple statement was neither an endorsement or a criticism of my work. It is dangerous to read more into that type of comment. A good practice would be to ask a follow up question when you wish to have clarity or specifics. A response to “good to see you” might be: “thank you for coming, it’s always a pleasure seeing you. Could you possibly give me one item that specifically resonated with you in today’s presentation?” This will inevitably lead to sincerity and great learning discussions.
2. Hear what you are saying. Avoid the general “nice job” advice whenever possible. Being specific on what was done well is a better strategy. Including specific items that can be done better is needed for growth. This is not a new idea, you can find it in many Management and Leadership books. As a leader, these are golden opportunities for mentoring and coaching.

Leadership is not just about leading from your experiences but also from the sincerity of your hear!