My Sister and I . . .

Modelling and Styling – by Arnie Wohlgemut

Both in leadership positions, my sister and I often exchange stories, insights and ideas about management challenges and opportunities.

She had a CEO who was a yeller. If things didn’t go his way he would rip into someone and the whole office could hear it. It was the way he worked. He never thought of the influence he had on the rest of the team. He modelled a leadership style and his team picked it up.

It wasn’t long before the CFO started to yell, even though it was not his natural leadership style.

I ask myself, why do people in leadership positions still behave this way? We have mountains of research and a plethora of books to help us be better managers and supervisors.

Studies clearly show this is not an effective way to influence and motivate people. My experience confirms those studies. I also know people whose attitudes are contagious. Their attitude will become yours if you spend too much time with them!

Leaders who lapse into using loud voices and generalizations typically have these three behaviours:

1. Taking the path of least resistance: Being rude is easy and often leads to staff turnover. Leaders believe, that the cost of turnover is just the cost of doing business. All turnovers carry the cost of lost corporate knowledge. High turnover also sacrifices collaboration and teamwork. In my personal experience, high turnover is simply a killer. To unhealthy leaders, being rude is effortless.
2. Minimizing the value, skill and experience that others bring to the company or team: Some leaders believe that they have done it all when in fact, if you added up all the things they say they have done, they should be 100 years old.
3. De-valuing the contribution and worth of loyal team members: Often this type of leader says, “If you want something done right, just do it yourself.” This is a sign of a weakness in character and insecurity.

How do we nudge leaders with potential, out of their negative behaviour?

The good news is, there are answers and, there are leaders who model a better way. The bad news is, you cannot change another person’s behaviour, only they can.

1. As Ellen DeGeneres says at the end of every show, “Be kind to one another.” Model kindness. It shows great self-discipline and strong self-esteem. Being kind is not always easy when dealing with a rude person, but it is contagious!
2. Delegate and get out of the way! A sign of a strong leader is allowing others to do their job which will deliver surprising results. Leaders who delegate have done a lot of work to achieve self-understanding and wisdom.
3. Invest in your team. Not just in teaching, coaching and mentoring, but in their work life. We all spend a high percentage of time at work. We can make it enjoyable. Remember, they represent the company and they represent you.

Choose to to be kind over right. It’s modelling a leadership style worth pursuing. Kindness is contagious too!