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Not My Monkey

Not My Monkey – By Arnie Wohlgemut

The phrase “Not My Circus, Not My Monkey” is a Polish proverb which is still in use today. It is a way of saying, “Don’t drag me into your drama and your issues…”

“If you fuel your journey on the opinions of others you are going to run out of gas.”
Dr. Steve Maraboli

Here is what I learned. Our responses to unpleasant circumstances or issues others identify with, can in some cases, put a monkey on our back.

Ever happen to you?

Let me give you an example. There have been times in my life where I felt unjustly accused of something, and I found myself trying hard to prove that I was not that type of person I was being portrayed to be.

It seemed the more I tried to explain my side of things, the worse it got. I knew what my team and I were capable of, and the vision I had, to transform the organization to be a sector leading team of professionals but somehow, my reputation was challenged, and my confidence took a beating.

It took a while, but I did eventually realize I just put their monkey on my back! I was adapting what others thought and said about me as my reality. Very foolish. Someone’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality, do not let it define you.

“Do not let the limitations they put on you be your insecurities.”
Steven Furtick

We as leaders walk a fine line between being responsible to others and being responsible for others. Sometimes these lines get blurred. When they do, it is often the result of someone’s issues they put on you as a leader.

We have cases to protect our phones, phones that can be repaired or replaced. But they do not make cases to protect your self confidence, your mind, passion, or dreams. Only you can protect these things.

“Thinking is difficult, that is why most people judge.”
Carl Jung

Yes, dealing with people can be messy. They have baggage and it should remain theirs. I agree that we should help them be successful by removing barriers. But not solve their issues for them.

Do not carry other people’s monkey on your back…

Far Sighted Steadiness

Far Sighted Steadiness – by Arnie Wohlgemut

Providing leadership to a team, that has developed deep roots from past practices, and unquestionable loyalty to past success, is not a task for the faint hearted.

The biggest challenge is breaking the adoration with the past, while being careful not to contradict or insult the recognized success that it was back then.

I have had numerous experiences with several such organizational roadblocks over the years, and the lessons I learned are profoundly simple. Do not be fooled. Simple does not mean easy. Without going into details, I can tell you that I often felt like an outsider. I did not know all the history, or what deep roots were established at that time. I did know however that in being an outsider I needed to be more objective.

To affect any change, one of the key strategies must be listening.

“Anyone’s voice at anytime can be mission critical.”
Amy Anderson

Often when we take time to listen to the long-time staffers, we uncover lessons learned that as a leader, you can strategically avoid or manoeuvre around. As with all the insight I am providing you today. Time is of the essence, and skill is needed to be able to discern what is personal bias and what is valuable insight.

Effectiveness is achieving desired outcomes successfully.

“Is every element of your leadership going the same pace?”
Michael Todd

I believe there are several leadership elements that a leader should posses. Not just in crisis situations but also in everyday situations. Here are seven leadership elements I have found to be valuable: Intelligence, Integrity, Humility, Empathy, Curiosity, Inspiration and Resilience.

When any one or more of these elements are ahead of another, making impactful change may be difficult. For example, if curiosity out paces humility, we compromise integrity. Or if our quest for intelligence is out of step with empathy, we impact our ability to lead.

I know that each one of us will not have high skill levels in each one of the elements, and that is okay. When a situation or context requires us to exercise one or more leadership element, we should not hesitate.

A leader must be inspiring enough to build consensus around a dream and reach out to those that have influence within the organization.

“The onus is on me to understand. Not sit back and make you understand.”
T.D. Jakes

As the quote says, the onus is on the leader to understand why some staff are engaged and some are not engaged. Until they know you care and are willing to understand their experience or point of view, not much will change. No amount of effort in making them understand your plans will change their mind.

Every leader must determine where they will place efforts in building consensus. It is easy to build consensus with those who are engaged. In my view, focus efforts on those that are not engaged. There is a great opportunity to inspire and gain success.

I encourage you to listen and to try and understand your employees as you move your organization and team forward. Learn from “the deep roots” that have been planted from the past. Add to the success stories through the use of these seven leadership elements:

Intelligence, Integrity, Humility, Empathy, Curiosity, Inspiration and Resilience.

Go For It!

Go For It! – by Arnie Wohlgemut

One of my key leadership beliefs is that you can be more than you think.

The reality is that you need to believe it too! And most importantly, you need to want to be more than you currently see as your status and success.

I fully understand that life may have impacted you in a way that appears to be a setback, I also had that experience.

In a very short time, my business aspirations were halted by COVID-19, like many of us have experienced. After some time of reflection, I realized that if I let my disappointment become a dead end, it becomes a problem.

Here are some personal insights to help you move forward.

“Be relentless and unwavering in what you want to achieve, but not how you want to get there.”
Dr. Nthabiseng Lagoete

Ensure your one goal is still your one goal. As we continue to see the world evolve around us, and as some challenges come and new ones appear, take heart. Maybe you are going through a dark period or experiencing a setback in your business like I did. I encourage you to remember what inspired you in the first place and work towards making that one goal a reality.

We do not always get to choose the transportation to our goal. Consider the “temporary road closures” as an opportunity to pivot or manoeuvre into position with your one goal in mind. As Dr. Lagoete said, be relentless and unwavering though every detour and setback.

“Life’s not a spectator sport. If watchin’ is all you’re gonna do, then you’re gonna watch your life go by without ya.”
The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Ensure you are taking action. I am sure you have heard the saying; nothing changes if nothing changes. Changes always requires action. The action may be physical, emotional, or even a change in your spirit.

I choose to believe that in every setback there is a hidden opportunity. An opportunity for action. For example, it is never too late to improve or expand on your knowledge or skills. How about finding a new mentor or coach that can help you towards reaching your goal?

“Critics will always be in the cheap seats.”
Craig Groeschel

Guard your inner circle. My mentor and coach Dr. Lance Secretan has often reminded me that none of us know enough to be cynical. He highlighted the importance of a positive mindset that keeps us, and others inspired to build a more inspiring world.

As I have said before, it is important who you consult and listen to. Surrounding yourself with a small number of people who speak positively into your life is more important that having many advisors.

“You don’t go as far as your dream; you go as far as your team.”
Dr. Dharius Daniels

Build a strong team of staff or a powerful “Bench”. In my business model, I have a bench of professional and experienced consultants that I trust and can rely on. This bench of professionals has a different purpose than my inner circle.

This is the group of people I call to bring their expertise to a project as needed. Without them, I would not be able to deliver the services, whether through client mentoring or consulting services.

“If you’re lucky enough to do well, it is your responsibility to send the elevator back down.”
Kevin Spacey

Pay it forward. If there ever was a time to help others in reaching their goal, it is now. Be a mentor, a coach and a trusted advice.

In the past three years I have written over 100 blogs and article, all with the intention of inspiring you to reach your goal. I have done this by sharing my life experiences and knowledge. The key inspiration for you in this blog is this: What your mentors meant to you in the past, you are now that to someone else!

Digging in the Dirt. Time to Move On?

Digging in the Dirt. Time to Move On? – By Arnie Wohlgemut

There he was, my manager, going on a rant AGAIN – all of which happened in the past and had been resolved. If I only could read the others mind! It certainly was written all over their faces.

“Let it go!” “Not again!” “Give it a break!” “How is this going to help?” “What an ….!!”

“The chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.”
Bertrand Russell

One the most damaging habits a manager or colleague can have is ‘digging in the dirt’.

Yes, bringing up the past! Over and Over again.

Good managers who want to grow and improve their team building skills, can incorporate some habit changes that will make a huge difference in their leadership:

“Focus on the solution not the problem.”
Jim Rohn

Learn to deal with the issue or behaviour in a clear and direct manner – once. The only thing that should ever be brought up is praise and acknowledgment of the change in behaviour and performance.

“The past should be left in the past, otherwise it can destroy your future. Live for what tomorrow has to offer not what yesterday has taken away.”
Unknown

Learn where and when to vent.
- If you are an external processor, never vent in front of the team. I understand the need to talk it out so find someone else who can listen without judgement. Trust me, it will be the best thing that you ever do. I always had someone in Human Resources who would lend an ear.
- If you are an internal processor, take a short walk, leave the room, get a coffee, juice, or water. Let the emotions settle before taking the next step.
- Never vent in public. Doing this in a social setting or on social media will damage your good reputation and that of your organization. Keep your reputation strong by learning to vent in places that are safe.

“We must learn to listen to what is being said and not hear what we want to hear.”
Ronda Gales

Learn to listen. There is always something to learn and sometimes your staff will solve the issue by themselves.
- Stop thinking of your reply. I learned this early in my career. When I’m thinking about what I am going to say I don’t hear what my colleague says. Stop the mind and listen – then answer.
- Leave space. I know, silence in a conversation is uncomfortable. All of us feel the need to fill in the space. But let it happen! A moment of silence helps heads cool and helps you formulate a response that reflects your personal management style.

We will face challenges. Our reputation and effectiveness depends on how we respond to them.

Cosmetic Confidence?

Cosmetic Confidence? – by Arnie Wohlgemut

“Confidence is the most beautiful thing you can possess.”
Sabrina Carpenter

How confident are you? About your future? About your abilities?

This past year, I have found myself, like many solopreneur’s, with most of my business disappearing at the start of the pandemic. Face-to-face coaching and in person consulting projects evolved into an online adventure of video calls and carefully crafted schedules.

Everything that could be shaken – was. Everything we thought was good was stripped away and we were left with who we are, with our self-confidence or no self-confidence at all.

If you have lost some of your confidence, it most likely was on the surface, cosmetic confidence. Here are some thoughts on remaining confident in changing times.

“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.”
Mark Twain

Ignorance and First Day Confidence.

I clearly recall a conversation I had with my mom about a new job I was starting in a few days. She asked me why I had no worries about my abilities to do the work required of me. Great question I thought to myself. I suppose my ignorance about the role I would be playing helped me to build a confident state of mind. My ignorance about the challenges I would face in the years to come, looked like confidence to her. First day confidence can be extremely useful do not understate it.

“Confidence isn’t optimism or pessimism, and it’s not a character attribute. It’s the expectation of a positive outcome.”
Rosabeth Moss Kanter

The ‘Everything That Could Go Wrong’ File.

As I get older and life brings me new experiences, I built a file with “everything that could go wrong”. What you choose to remember will determine how confident you are in the future. Do not be afraid to borrow some confidence from your past experiences and successes.

“Where your confidence comes from determines when it runs out.”
Steven Furtick

Your Inner Circle of Support.

Build your confidence from the positive people in your life. Those that step-up and believe in you when you do not believe in yourself. I had several of these people in my life, most notably a former boss, who believed in me, my leadership abilities and supported me in those times when I needed his support.

Experience tells you what to do; confidence allows you to do it. Go and become the confident person you were meant to be!

Feed Your Mind

Feed Your Mind – by Arnie Wohlgemut

“Be aware of the opinion of others filtered through the opinion of others.”

Several months ago, I was sitting in a waiting room at the hospital while a friend was in for examination. Due to the COVID protocol at the time, all magazines and other reading materials were removed. I did bring something to work on however, I chose to watch the live daily briefing by the Prime Minister of Canada. After his briefing, I watched in horror how the panel of news reporters began to dramatize and miss quote the very words that were just spoken.

“Your diet is not only what you eat. It’s what you watch, what you listen to, what you read and the people you hang around with. Be mindful of the things you put into your body emotionally, spiritually, and physically.”
Charles Shepherd

Those of you who know me, know I have a practice to not watch the evening news on a regular basis. The reason around this is simple. Aside from the experience noted above, there are enough daily challenges in my life. I do not have the need to pile on the negative, secondhand stories that has been curated to inform me and keep me watching.

Before COVID, this provided many opportunities to start a conversation either at a social gathering, around the pool whilst on vacation or over a coffee with colleagues. When the question “did you hear…?” is asked, I could honestly say, no I did not, tell me about what you heard.

The evening local or national news on TV are no longer the primary source of information for many folks. We have Twitter feeds, Instagram Stories, and the one that started it all, Facebook News Feed.

“The lips of the wise spread knowledge, but not so the hearts of fools.”
Proverbs 15:7

I do not believe they are called feeds or news feed without reason. Even though there may be valuable information provided, it is still intended to maintain and grow marketshare. In my experience, they are opinions of others filtered through the opinions of others.

Secondly, the dramatization and the diminishing of information in these news feeds are in my opinion, dangerous. This is a practice we find in many things we watch, listen to, read and even from the people we hang around with.

“As we think, we change the physical nature of our brain. As we consciously direct our thinking, we can wire out toxic patterns of thinking and replace them with healthy thoughts.”
Dr. Caroline Leaf

So, why do we use these sources to feed our minds? Are these all-trusted sources of information that will help us in our work life and family life?

It has occurred to me that I continually need to be aware of who and what feeds my mind emotionally and spiritually. I encourage you to be aware of the news feeds you use to inform your life.

New Levels, Same ‘Devils’ (Avoiding Old Practices in the New Normal)

New Levels, Same ‘Devils’ (Avoiding Old Practices in the New Normal) – by Arnie Wohlgemut

What does the future look like? Do I have what it takes? What will the new normal be?

Stay with me, I know these questions have been said many times in this past year.

“Somethings deserve our attention. Somethings deserve our focus.”
Arnie Wohlgemut

It has struck me that many of us are trying to build a new normal by using the picture on someone else’s LEGO box, but with our pieces. We want to have the picture-perfect life that we see in our hero’s and those we admire, but we may not have all the pieces required!

As our career progresses, we model what we have been shown and modelled. I.e., New levels, same devils. Here are four pieces you have at your disposal to successfully move to new levels.

“Sometimes we repeat the demonstrated leadership without even thinking maybe it’s time to adopt a new leadership style.”
Arnie Wohlgemut

Leadership styles. I have seen this many times, young leaders act out in the same way that their previous manager did. I have seen their actions and know that it is not inline with their core beliefs. Yet they honestly believe; I lived through this and I turned out okay!

“Mentors are invaluable in your growth process, but not if you just act like a member of their fan club. Take the info and do the work.”
Dave Gambrill

Mentorship matters. It may not be a formal mentorship arrangement that you have with your people, but they are always watching. Even if they do not do the work, they may some day emulate what you show them. Fortunately, not only the bad behaviour, sometimes the good as well.

“It’s not about the furniture, it’s about the foundation.”
Steven Furtick

Team leadership. Building a team is like a great quarterback on a Super Bowl winning team. They survey the situation, then they decide on what play, or player could move the team forward towards the goal line. Sometimes they pass it to someone else to run with it, or the quarterback has to move to see the options or carry the ball himself. Then there are times when the ball must be thrown, with precision, to the player in the best situation to catch it and run with it.

All these moves were made possible through evaluation, training, and preparation. We should build our teams in the same way. Evaluate their skills and abilities of each individual. Provide training to hone in their skills to the highest possible level and prepare them for the time when their skill and leadership is needed.

“Maybe my future requires me to keep doing what I am doing with a better attitude and a new perspective.”
Arnie Wohlgemut

Attitude. Over this past week, I have been pondering with the idea that for us to build a new normal, a new business, or a new career, we have to get rid of stuff that keeps us in the old normal. In many situations, it is our attitude towards accepting change. It is taking what we have seen on the mountain and build it in the valley. A winning attitude never fails!

As this COVID19 pandemic has shown us, we do not always choose the transportation to our goal, it is given to us. I encourage you to build your own path to a new normal, using the pieces you have within you. Do not to build your future using someone else’s LEGO pieces.

Misalignment > Mismanagement > Mistrust. The Mis-’s of Team Success!

Misalignment > Mismanagement > Mistrust. The Mis-’s of Team Success! – by Arnie Wohlgemut

Within every team, there are often many who can provide leadership, either in a particular phase of a project or because of their expertise in one or more aspects of that project. There is however, one individual charged with the overall responsibility of a project goal.

It is a well-known fact that a cohesive and respectful team achieves more than one individual can. Misalignment of tasks, mismanagement of responsibility and mistrust among teammates are three items I wish to explore further.

“The task you’re avoiding isn’t always the one you hate. Sometimes it’s the one you fear. The one that’s most worth pursuing.”
Adam Grant

Misalignment of Tasks.

This is often characterized by the misconception by the project leader of the team’s ability, and their misguided belief of fostering artificial harmony. The fear of conflict leads to a disproportionate number of tasks assigned to the less vocal, yet highly capable team members.

In my experience, this type of leadership often leads to higher staffing turnover and poor team morale. I encourage you to step up to the task and face your fear.

“Like everything in life, leadership requires balance. You can’t succeed without focusing on your people, and they won’t succeed unless you’re focused on results.”
Travis Bradberry

Mismanagement of Responsibility.

This often leads to underestimating the importance of the team leader role, and a miscalculation of the project purpose. Misleading information on project status, is quickly dismissed by supporting the accepted low standard of performance, and the desire to avoid accountability.

In my experience, this type of leadership often leads to organizational chaos and misbehaviour. Individual relationships on the team deteriorate. Misunderstanding the project expectations and roles of others is the unfortunate result. I encourage you to take the leadership role you have accepted, and lead with confidence.

“It’s not about position, it’s about purpose.”
Steven Furtick

Mistrust among Teammates.

Often this is seen when a team member uses misdirection to highlight failures of others to reinforce their ego or misinterpreted status. There is an escalation of misinformation and misleading feedback between team members. In extreme cases, intimidation replaces a win-win climate.

In my experience, all team members need to be savvy collaborators, setting aside selfishness for personal gain in favour of project success.

Team focus needs to be on the project goal, the customers needs or the contract requirements. Team success leads to project success and a positive customer experience. I encourage you to lead with purpose, not with the power of the position.

Predictably Stupid

Predictably Stupid – by Arnie Wohlgemut

Our past year has been so unsettling and boring at the same time. How can we be so bored and scared all at once? Did you ever imagine ever feeling this way in your lifetime?

On a day-to-day basis, parents are wondering… What do I do with my kids? Do I take them to school? Is the daycare open? Do I make them a lunch? Do I make myself a drink?

Kids are wondering… Am I going to school today? Am I ever going to see my friends again? Do I plot on how to drive my parents to drink (more coffee of course 😉)?

Retailers continue to wonder… When am I ever going to see a customer again? Will this uncertainty bankrupt my family? How will my staff survive?

Business owners are wondering how to encourage and inspire their employees in this new virtual world. At the same time, they are worrying about their own children and their mental well being.

And the questions continue….

“In times of great stress or adversity, it’s always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive.”
Lee Iacocca

We are in a strange place these past 11 months. Everything we knew as “normal” is no longer but at the same time, it feels like another day on replay.

We all long to go back to BC (Before COVID). Sadly, for now we are, in-between the old normal and the unknown new normal, with nothing familiar to look forward to.

However, in the “nothing familiar” stage, I have been reminded that despite all the questions and uncertainty, or the many pessimistic things I might say to myself, I have an unprecedented opportunity to stop wasting time. I need to stop wasting my energy, my intellect, my passion, my thoughts.

You can too!

“Most limitations are a fragile collection of socially reinforced rules you can choose to break at any time.”
Tim Ferriss

Let us in this time in-between the old normal and the new normal, stop wasting our time, stop wasting our energy, our passion, and stop wasting our thoughts and intellect.

Little by Little

Little by Little – by Arnie Wohlgemut

When we were children, my mother would have us stand with our backs to the doorframe of the pantry to mark our growth. She would add a date and comment on the change since our last birthday.

She continued that practice with her grandkids, only this time she marked the wall in the four seasons room my father built.

Every year, many of us adults have a similar practice, reflecting on the past year or years, hoping to see the growth in our knowledge, skill, character, relationships, or finances.

Even though this year has been difficult for many, including myself, I still hope to see progress in one or more of the areas noted above.

The reality is that we often do not see progress, possibly because we are too close to the situation or that we have developed a blind spot.

As I reflect back, I have noticed three truths about growth from my life experience:

“Failure is not the opposite of success; it is part of success.”
Arianna Huffington

1. Growth is not a straight line. We have detours, setbacks, missteps, and failures. Fortunately, these do not have to be fatal or a dead end. It can be an opportunity to grow and develop our knowledge, skills, character, and relationships.

“If it does not open, it is not your door.”
Anonymous

2. Growth happens over time. It is sometimes very slowly, and sometimes as abrupt as a closed door. It is common practice to make New Year’s resolutions, and nearly as common to break them a short time into the new year. No matter what, we should never stop trying to achieve them. Even if we give up on some, the ones that we adhere to will influence our lives.

“I never lose. I either win or learn.”
Nelson Mandela

3. Not all growth is accidental. Some growth happens because of our focus and choices: Misery or Mission? Banging on a closed door will likely, bring misery into your life. Choosing to stay true to your mission, choosing to strive towards your goal, being flexible and agile when a door is closed can make all the difference in your life and mindset.

What are your plans for this new year? What books will you read or what podcasts will you explore?

Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being excited about what could go right!

May you have a Happy and prosperous New Year! Blessings to you and your family and remember to stay safe!

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